Thursday, May 30, 2013
Hi there, today I have good news and bad news. The bad news is, I wear a uniform to work and I have been squeezing into my size 16 pants for months now. I didn't want to have to order pants in a size 18, even though my smaller pants have been cutting into my stomach so much that I have bruises. The good news is, my uniform pants aren't loose yet on me or anything, but since I've begun my journey 6 days ago, for the first time in months, I'm actually comfortable in them. I can breathe while I'm at work and it's a really good feeling.
Also, today I had training at work. I debated about what to do for lunch. You see, my co-worker and I always have lunch together on days we have training which is only about twice a year. We usually go to Panera Bread, which is better then say, McDonalds, but I'm just not ready to eat out... I'm scared. I know it probably sounds silly, but I am really, really scared of failing yet again. That's why I'm being pretty strict with myself. It's because I have to be.
I am a compulsive eater and I have to keep reminding myself of that. I honestly don't know how to stop myself when I'm enjoying the wrong kinds of food. Before my journey, I couldn't have a bag of potato chips in front of me while I was watching T.V., even if it was a really big bag. Within no time at all, the entire bag would be nothing more than a memory. If I had a craving for something sweet, even though my doctor wants to put me on insulin, I didn't think twice about it. I would go to the all night store and pick out not just one, but two candy bars. A kit kat bar and an almond joy or m&m's and peanut chews. My glucose sky rocketed and I would get tingling in my hands and feet and sometimes I'd wake up nauseous, but do you think that stopped me? Not one bit, my friend. After a high calorie dinner, I would eat those two candy bars right after I had that big bag of chips.
I don't know what damage I may have done to my body down through the years with all of the sugary, artery clogging, cancer causing, high sodium crap that I've stuffed my face with... but No More! I want this weight off, once and for all. I want to be healthy. This is why I like the picture so much at the top of this post. I wished I'd followed that advice a long time ago. When I see my doctor in July, I want to hear good things when she looks at the results from my lab work. No, I'm not ready to eat out, I'm just not. I will not allow myself to fail. It's only been 6 days so far, but if I stay on track then tomorrow, I can celebrate the first full week of my journey.
Inspiration picture: Chaka Khan (She's a vegan now.)
Glucose: 261- (This time my weight stayed the same but my glucose went down. Hey, I'm not complaining, it's down 9 points since yesterday).
Daily Food Journal:
Breakfast: Special K with Berries and decaf
Lunch that I packed: Tomato basil hummus, lettuce, tomatoes on whole wheat, 1 apple
Snack: 1 box of raisins
Dinner: 1 slice of left over rotisserie chicken, 1 baked sweet potato, mixed vegetables
and 1 cup of hot green tea with 2 teaspoons of honey
Notes: My daughter and I worked out at the gym for 30 minutes. I used just about every machine in there tonight. I increased the weight on the machines and I pushed myself to do just a few more then I did the last time. Also, when I got back home, I cleaned the bathroom, so I'm sure I burned off even more calories... like the butter I used on the sweet potato...LoL. Yeah, I know, I'll have to work on that, but for the most part, I feel like it was another good day.