Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Today my husband and I celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary. I'd already decided days ago that I was going to enjoy myself and have something that I shouldn't have... meaning a high calorie dinner and dessert. This was the first time since my journey began that I gave myself permission to do this. I had planned to only go overboard for just the one meal, NOT the entire day. I would love to tell everyone that I did well after that one meal, but that wouldn't be honest.
My husband and I both had the day off. We had lunch at Fuddruckers because I've been watching my husband eat burgers with the bun and cheese and a side of fries for a little while now. So the first thing I thought of was having a cheeseburger and fries. We went to the movies afterwards and I got candy and things pretty much went downhill from there.
Before my journey, if I would have McDonalds for breakfast, then I would immediately develop that, 'oh well, I already screwed up' attitude and would overeat the rest of the day...or days afterwards. I've actually had binges that lasted for several months at a time and I didn't know when I'd ever get back on track. My eating was so out of control it seemed like my mouth was constantly in motion. It scared me, yet while I was indulging, it also made me happy. It was like I had this rather strange and complicated relationship with food and I just didn't know how to break free.
After 25 days of doing so well, today it happened again when I had that first bite at Fuddruckers... that's all it took. I don't want to continue down that old path... not again. This is exactly why I have to be strict, because I know me and allowing myself to partake of certain foods is releasing the monster that feeds off of my addiction. Until I have better control, I have to treat some foods like a drug that I need to stay away from. Tomorrow, I won't check my glucose, because I can't imagine what I might see on my meter and I'm certainly not going to weigh myself.
Inspiration picture: Mandisa