Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Day 26



Today my husband and I celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary. I'd already decided days ago that I was going to enjoy myself and have something that I shouldn't have... meaning a high calorie dinner and dessert. This was the first time since my journey began that I gave myself permission to do this. I had planned to only go overboard for just the one meal, NOT the entire day. I would love to tell everyone that I did well after that one meal, but that wouldn't be honest.

My husband and I both had the day off. We had lunch at Fuddruckers because I've been watching my husband eat burgers with the bun and cheese and a side of fries for a little while now. So the first thing I thought of was having a cheeseburger and fries. We went to the movies afterwards and I got candy and things pretty much went downhill from there.

Before my journey, if I would have McDonalds for breakfast, then I would immediately develop that, 'oh well, I already screwed up' attitude and would overeat the rest of the day...or days afterwards. I've actually had binges that lasted for several months at a time and I didn't know when I'd ever get back on track. My eating was so out of control it seemed like my mouth was constantly in motion. It scared me, yet while I was indulging, it also made me happy. It was like I had this rather strange and complicated relationship with food and I just didn't know how to break free.

After 25 days of doing so well, today it happened again when I had that first bite at Fuddruckers... that's all it took. I don't want to continue down that old path... not again. This is exactly why I have to be strict, because I know me and allowing myself to partake of certain foods is releasing the monster that feeds off of my addiction. Until I have better control, I have to treat some foods like a drug that I need to stay away from. Tomorrow, I won't check my glucose, because I can't imagine what I might see on my meter and I'm certainly not going to weigh myself.

Inspiration picture: Mandisa

3 comments:

  1. hang tough. I agree don't weigh. Maybe checking your blood sugar wouldn't be a bad thing just to see what happened. Just keep moving forward...

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  2. First of all, Happy Anniversary! I spent years on binging every day so I understand. So this was one day and you will be back on track tomorrow. I don't know if you are on meds for your diabetes but agree with PJ that it might be a good idea to check. The scale can forget it until later though. You will be fine!

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  3. Looking on the bright side of your meal choices, our bodies sometimes need to be shocked. By that I mean, if you are used to eating 1200 calories a day (just an example, not saying this is what you eat)every so often you need to eat over 1200 (maybe 1400, etc.).

    When I started this journey, I thought that I had to stick to my calorie allotment and couldn't go over. It wasn't until I started to hit a plateau that I started to look into ways to get over it and the first thing I found was shocking your system. Surprisingly it actually worked for me and if I was used to gaining a few ounces to a pound or so, I finally lost them.

    I agree with everyone that you may not want to weigh yourself, mainly because the scale has a mind of its own. You may have gained 3 pounds in a day but as the week goes on, your weight will balance itself out. Just like I agree with not weighing yourself, I do think that you should check your blood sugar just to be on the safe side.

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